This journey is all about new beginnings. Lifestyle changes. Celebrating success and overcoming failures. For as long as I can remember, I have always been "the chubby girl." Always. I was the fattest 6 lb. 3 oz. baby you ever saw. Literally had fat rolls (no joke, ask my mother)! This is the journey of overcoming my biggest fears and doing something for me.
For the longest time, I only wanted to be truly loved. Not by scores and scores of people, but by those who claimed to be my friends. I sought comfort in the "they have to like me, so I'll do anything it takes," mentality. I was well-liked...when I was doing things for people, or buying them things, or giving of myself. Unfortunately, that table never reversed. It took a long time and many "friendships" for me to see that. Now, I can honestly say that in the past three years or so, I've gained true friends. They are there for me through thick and thin. I have a list of people I can call on in a pinch or need to talk to.
Unless you've walked in the shoes of rejection, I'm not sure you can understand. Let me just give you two vivid examples of things that happened when I was younger. First, in elementary school, I went to a small school. Very. Small. School. I can remember playing outside at recess and everytime I would walk by, one of the boys would state, "Choo-choo...here comes the train." Devastating, let me tell you. Couple that with no friends, and school was pretty miserable for me. Then, when I was in junior high, I went to youth group. I was a few minutes late, so I slipped in during prayer time. By the time the prayer was finished, the whole row of people had moved to a different row. I do not know why to this day. I do know that I never went back to that youth group. Both of those incidents are in my head like they happened yesterday.
High school was not a fun place. Many lunches were spent eating alone or at a table full of other people but still alone. I did not have many friends in high school, and none that I truly keep up with today. I do not keep up with friends from youth group. I have a small group of people that I can share my heart with and that love me for who I am, and not what I can do for them. I am so honored to know those people. They are the ones encouraging me to blog this journey.
Because this post is so long, I will break it up. There will be a couple introductory posts - after all, there are 29 years of bad habits to bust wide open. No time like the present. Most of you know I have struggled with weight issues all my life. My parents used to tell me I had everything going for me, and that was the only thing hindering me. It's true. I was blessed enough to find a job that I love with people that I enjoy working with. It was a harsh truth to hear from my parents, but one that finally ingrained in me.
Stay tuned for the next post. I'll discuss what made me join the gym the first time around.
Ashley, the school think speaks to me. I always had maybe one friend throughout school until I hit high school. Things changed for me then. My problem was because I was short and very quiet (can you believe it?). However, I remember seeing kids who struggled and decided early on to see them for who they are not what they look like. You are a beautiful woman. I'm so excited about what you are doing! You're going to love yourself as much as those who love you LOVE YOU! This is going to be hard, but a heck of a lot of fun. - Aida
ReplyDeleteJust did day one of this #$%^$ challenge. All I can say is that you never really know what kind of shape you are truly in until you do sit-ups. This sucks. I really didn't think I was that bad off but I was wrong...and this is just day one! Going to go walk the dog. That's so much easier. She's not nearly as demanding.
ReplyDelete