Regrets, Failures, and Overcoming...

I regret the way I treated my body. I regret that I failed at living. I truly do. I was talking to a friend tonight and we were discussing what life was like just 2-1/2 months ago. I was the girl who would drive around the parking lot for 15 minutes until a front row parking spot came open (when seriously, I could've been in and out in 15 minutes). I was the girl who needed something from the grocery store (2 of which are located across the street) and would come home to pick up my brother so he could run in the store. Yep. Seriously. That was me. I regret not pushing myself to do things. Maybe if I had I wouldn't be where I am today. I failed myself. But, the good news is I am overcoming that struggle. Step by step...day by day...exercise by exercise. If. It. Kills. Me. And, some days, I think it just might. But seriously, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. There's a song on my iPod...now, I don't listen to the lyrics, generally, just the beat...but the words popped out at me as I was ready to quit something (and of course, these are totally out of the context of the song, now that I am reading the lyrics):

"Just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die, gotta get up and try, try, try..."

Seriously when I'm ready to give up, I skip ahead to that phrase in the song on the iPod. I know what minute and second it starts at, so that I know...it's not time to quit.

So, what do I do every day? Well, it varies. Ha, I know you were probably expecting a different answer. But that is the honest to goodness truth. At least four days a week, I am at the gym twice a day. Once at 5:30ish in the morning and then again when I go home from work. I usually do half my cardio workout in the morning and the other half in the evening. Every day, I try to follow the same meal plan. For breakfast, I have my protein shake, Ezekiel bread toast and water. Then about 2-1/2 to 3 hours later, I try to eat some protein (usually chicken) and veggies. Then, for lunch, I'll have another protein shake and some almonds. Then, in mid-afternoon, I'll have some more protein and veggies. After the gym workout, I usually cook my veggie burgers and eat those with some ketchup. And, all throughout the day, I drink water. Drink it like it's going out of style. I do not drink anything but water. When the water gets to me and I just can't do it anymore, I'll put some Mio in it, but generally speaking, it is plain 'ole water. The colder the better.

Why didn't I care? I don't really know the answer to that question. I just stopped living. I just stopped caring. I couldn't do anything anyway, so why care? The simple truth is, I didn't have my caring in the right place. I didn't care about me. I cared for everyone else. I didn't care what my purpose in life was. I had to discover that I was important. That I was created for a purpose.

I am yet again reminded of the quote, "It's not who you think you are that holds you back, it's who you think you are NOT."

If you don't make the conscious effort day in and day out, you will not succeed. This is not to say that you can never eat out, or have a fun meal, or enjoy a piece of cake. It just means that you have to know your body. You have to know that you have to be on track 99% of the time. I wasted too many years of my life doing things halfway. Now, I've chosen to live.

For me, that meant cutting out everything in my life that wasn't the gym. I quit my hobby of card-making (although I tinker with it occasionally). I quit going to my Bible study (although I miss those ladies something fierce, I know they understand). I dropped out of choir in my church for the summer. I don't volunteer to help with things anymore. I had to realize that I had to put me first or there wouldn't be a me to do all those things anymore. That drastic of a step might not be for you. Every single day, I bring my clothes and shoes to work with me. That way, I do not have any excuses to go home. Because, if I go home, I will not come back out. I know myself.

Make yourself a priority. Focus on the reasons you want to change. Don't focus on the results. Focus on the small changes. The results will come. For me, that was no fast food. No sodas. Pre-planning my menus. All of those are small, mediocre things by themselves. But put them together and BAM! Then, after I started doing that, it was to go walk on the treadmill. I could only do a minute or two at a time and then would need a break. But, it was moving. Now, I'm running. Not long and not far, but still running. I never would've guessed. I actually kinda like running (don't tell Danny)!

If ever I can be of encouragement to you, PLEASE email me, comment or text me. If you are just someone following my blog that I don't know personally, drop me an email at ashlwar84@iCloud.com.

Remember, you are worth the journey. And, until YOU realize that YOU are worth it, you will not succeed.

If Ya Bite It, Write It...

For me, one of the most eye opening experiences of this whole journey has been journaling. I never journaled my food before (at least, not past day 2!). I think, truthfully, I didn't want to see what I was doing to myself. A typical day for me consisted of waaaaay more calories than I care to imagine. My doctor once told me that to maintain my weight, I had to eat about 4,000 calories a day. That doesn't take into consideration that I was gaining weight! Seriously a typical day for me started with the drive through of Hardee's or McDonald's, where I would either get bagels, McGriddles, or sausage biscuits (on the weekends, I'd really splurge and get biscuits and gravy) and of course, my "coffee" a/k/a sweet tea! Then, I'd usually order lunch - most often pizza from the deli next door, or a Philly cheese steak from the diner across the street. Then, more often than not, I'd end up ordering something for dinner...if I'm honest, usually Pizza Hut - the personal pan pepperoni pizzas, with breadsticks, and a Mountain Dew. I don't know how many calories that is, but that's nuts now that I've typed it out.

Now, of course, every time I start a diet, I've been told to journal. From the time I started Weight Watchers as a teenager, to Jenny Craig (with my awesome counselor, Jenna), back to Weight Watchers, to portion control, back to Weight Watchers, carb cycling on the Chris Powell plan, and now this...seriously. But this time, I'm actually doing it. The food does not cross my lips unless I've accounted for it.

I am using two different methods for tracking my calories. One is MyFitnessPal. I like that because it has the app on my phone and makes it readily available 24/7. The other is through my gym, called Anytime Health. I don't know if they have an iPhone app...if they do, I have yet to find it in the app store. Apparently, the Anytime Health will notify my trainer, etc...I'm still learning to navigate that one. If you do not track your calories, I strongly recommend that you do so.

Another thing that really helped me was to get rid of anything I could munch on. Crackers, cookies, chips...had to go bye-bye. Mini ice cream cups....see ya later. Now, my fridge has carrots, celery, fruits, and lots and lots and LOTS of water. My goal is a gallon a day. Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don't.

If you haven't already posted your challenge on yesterday's blog post, do it! I want everyone to be involved in making a journey for a healthier lifestyle. It's way more fun if your friends are doing it too!
If you need help setting up MyFitnessPal (if you're not an Anytime Fitness member), look me up at ashlwar84. If you're an Anytime Fitness member, friend me on Anytime Health - it's ashleywarren84.
Hope to see you all there soon!

Blog Challenge, Goals & Leg Workouts

I am kinda sorta stealing this idea from a couple friends...you'll know who you are when you read this post. I want to know who is willing and brave enough to participate in a challenge. It's just a 7 day challenge. I want you to set a healthy goal - and stick with it for 7 days. Leave a comment on the blog to let me know what your goal is. Then, when you've completed your goal, log it as a separate comment. I will use a random number generator to select a winner. Who knows? There might be something of value for you!

On another note, my goal for 7 days is to lose 3-5 pounds. I know that sounds like a lot. It is. But, it is going to show if I am dedicated or not. This means I have to be precise with my meal plan, caloric intake, cardio and weight training. It's a mental thing for me, I think. So far this month, I've only lost 6 pounds. I know....6 pounds is 6 pounds. But, I want more. I got really used to those big numbers. I know they won't always happen, but I truly thought they'd happen for longer than they did. So, I'm not moving my goal of 100 pounds by August 1st...yet. We will re-evaluate July 1 and see how it goes.

Tonight was a leg workout for small group training. Um, ouch. That's the end of my post. Not really. Weighted lunges, squats, weighted squats, more weighted squats, even more weighted squats and then leg presses 20/15/12/10/8 reps. Yep. You guessed it. Danny upped the weights every time we did them. I think I started around 200 pounds and ended somewhere in the high 300's. I was kinda impressed, I'm not gonna lie. I didn't think I could do that much. To think, 10 weeks ago, I couldn't even use the machine!

For those who read my blog faithfully, I made the 65 pound mark today. Barely. Like on the nose. When I weighed in pre-workout, I was at 64.5 pounds. I told my accountability partner I was not leaving until I got that .5 pound to make 65. Sure enough, after SGT, it was there...on the money. I was so excited!

I'm heading to bed now...ice packs are calling my name. I do not know how I will function tomorrow morning. Guess I will cross that bridge then.

Until later...

Numbers and Perspectives

I have been struggling the past week. I have been frustrated. I have been annoyed. I have been stressed. Why? The dumb scale. I know in my head that the number on the scale isn't the only number that matters. But, I also know how frustrating it is to do everything right and not see the scale move. Or worse yet, see the scale move the wrong direction. Yep. That's happened to me this week. And quite frankly, I am over it. I have lost and gained the same 3-4 pounds for the past week. I doubt I will hit my goal of 65 by Wednesday. Maybe, but I doubt it. I'm teetering on the brink of 61. So, I would need to lose 4 pounds in the next two days. It's possible. It's happened before. But, it is still frustrating. Sometimes, for a brief moment, it really makes me want to quit. Don't worry, I'm not. It's a fleeting emotion. I kind of felt that way tonight when (yet again) the scale was stagnant. Then, I came across this motivational quote on Pintrest...and it really helped put things in perspective: 

"Here's to us. Here's to ordering a salad when we really want a burger. To making fools out of ourselves in cardio class. To drinking more water than seems possible. To going five more minutes on the elliptical. To working out twice as much as your skinny roommate. To saying goodbye to the old you. To falling in love with who you really are. The you who you want to become. To looking in the mirror and not seeing any change, throwing on your running shoes and working out anyway. To looking in the mirror and seeing a major change. Here's to veggies, and shin splints, sweaty t-shirts, perseverance, sore muscles, stinky socks, 5:30 a.m. workouts, suicide runs, falling down, getting back up and bottled water. Here's to getting up every day and doing it all over again."

I am reminded of how far I have come in just 10 short weeks. It's been a crazy, wild ride. One I have been privileged to take. It is not a journey for the faint of heart. This journey only has two kinds of people on it. Those who want the journey and those who will drop out. I hope you will be encouraged to be the person that sticks with the journey. Your journey might not be weight loss and a healthier lifestyle. It might be something else. I encourage you to be open about your journey and make the commitment. Find an accountability partner. Stick with it.

"Devote yourself to an idea. Go, make it happen. Struggle on it. Overcome your fears. Smile. Don't you forget, this is your dream." 

I'll be honest. I don't have a goal number in my head other than 100 pounds by August 1st. I haven't thought much past that as far as how much to lose. So, what are my goals, really? I just want to be healthy and live life to the fullest. I want to travel the world (eventually). I want to crazy things! I want to go to roller coaster parks. I want to go to Water Country USA (I've never been there despite living here for 30 years almost)! I want to be comfortable. I want to have normal furniture. I want to drive a smaller car. I want to buckle my seat belt. I want to not have to have things modified for me. Those are my goals. They are hefty. They come with a price.

I'm not focusing on the scale this week. I'm going to focus on upping my game. To doing more this week than I thought possible. To busting my tail at the gym. To sweating more than I am used to. To eating meticulous. To training ridiculous. To succeeding in what I set out to do. This is my promise. Unless my trainer makes me, there will be no weigh-in Wednesday. I'm going to wait until Saturday. Not because I'm afraid of what it will say on Wednesday (although if I'm completely honest, that might be true), but because I find that I obsess about it. I stress myself out about it. Then, I don't have an effective week, no matter how hard I try.

Here's to us. And our goals and dreams. Let's make it happen!