Regrets, Failures, and Overcoming...

I regret the way I treated my body. I regret that I failed at living. I truly do. I was talking to a friend tonight and we were discussing what life was like just 2-1/2 months ago. I was the girl who would drive around the parking lot for 15 minutes until a front row parking spot came open (when seriously, I could've been in and out in 15 minutes). I was the girl who needed something from the grocery store (2 of which are located across the street) and would come home to pick up my brother so he could run in the store. Yep. Seriously. That was me. I regret not pushing myself to do things. Maybe if I had I wouldn't be where I am today. I failed myself. But, the good news is I am overcoming that struggle. Step by step...day by day...exercise by exercise. If. It. Kills. Me. And, some days, I think it just might. But seriously, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. There's a song on my iPod...now, I don't listen to the lyrics, generally, just the beat...but the words popped out at me as I was ready to quit something (and of course, these are totally out of the context of the song, now that I am reading the lyrics):

"Just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die, gotta get up and try, try, try..."

Seriously when I'm ready to give up, I skip ahead to that phrase in the song on the iPod. I know what minute and second it starts at, so that I know...it's not time to quit.

So, what do I do every day? Well, it varies. Ha, I know you were probably expecting a different answer. But that is the honest to goodness truth. At least four days a week, I am at the gym twice a day. Once at 5:30ish in the morning and then again when I go home from work. I usually do half my cardio workout in the morning and the other half in the evening. Every day, I try to follow the same meal plan. For breakfast, I have my protein shake, Ezekiel bread toast and water. Then about 2-1/2 to 3 hours later, I try to eat some protein (usually chicken) and veggies. Then, for lunch, I'll have another protein shake and some almonds. Then, in mid-afternoon, I'll have some more protein and veggies. After the gym workout, I usually cook my veggie burgers and eat those with some ketchup. And, all throughout the day, I drink water. Drink it like it's going out of style. I do not drink anything but water. When the water gets to me and I just can't do it anymore, I'll put some Mio in it, but generally speaking, it is plain 'ole water. The colder the better.

Why didn't I care? I don't really know the answer to that question. I just stopped living. I just stopped caring. I couldn't do anything anyway, so why care? The simple truth is, I didn't have my caring in the right place. I didn't care about me. I cared for everyone else. I didn't care what my purpose in life was. I had to discover that I was important. That I was created for a purpose.

I am yet again reminded of the quote, "It's not who you think you are that holds you back, it's who you think you are NOT."

If you don't make the conscious effort day in and day out, you will not succeed. This is not to say that you can never eat out, or have a fun meal, or enjoy a piece of cake. It just means that you have to know your body. You have to know that you have to be on track 99% of the time. I wasted too many years of my life doing things halfway. Now, I've chosen to live.

For me, that meant cutting out everything in my life that wasn't the gym. I quit my hobby of card-making (although I tinker with it occasionally). I quit going to my Bible study (although I miss those ladies something fierce, I know they understand). I dropped out of choir in my church for the summer. I don't volunteer to help with things anymore. I had to realize that I had to put me first or there wouldn't be a me to do all those things anymore. That drastic of a step might not be for you. Every single day, I bring my clothes and shoes to work with me. That way, I do not have any excuses to go home. Because, if I go home, I will not come back out. I know myself.

Make yourself a priority. Focus on the reasons you want to change. Don't focus on the results. Focus on the small changes. The results will come. For me, that was no fast food. No sodas. Pre-planning my menus. All of those are small, mediocre things by themselves. But put them together and BAM! Then, after I started doing that, it was to go walk on the treadmill. I could only do a minute or two at a time and then would need a break. But, it was moving. Now, I'm running. Not long and not far, but still running. I never would've guessed. I actually kinda like running (don't tell Danny)!

If ever I can be of encouragement to you, PLEASE email me, comment or text me. If you are just someone following my blog that I don't know personally, drop me an email at ashlwar84@iCloud.com.

Remember, you are worth the journey. And, until YOU realize that YOU are worth it, you will not succeed.