It has been far too long since my last post. To be honest, I am embarrassed to even write this post. I am humiliated beyond words because I have let you down. I have not continued losing weight over the past few months. Instead, I've gained/lost what I gained/maintained, but I have not yet lost anything. In fact, if truth be told, I haven't lost anything since May. The problem isn't in my training, although I could certainly go harder and/or longer. The problem lies in my mouth and what I put in it.
I had the mentality that I could eat what I wanted. After all, I'd lost 200 pounds. Not many people can say that. I was tired of eating chicken. I was tired of rice. I was tired of veggies. I was tired of protein shakes. So, I rebelled. I ate what I wanted. I continued to work out, although, I continued to eat what I wanted. I gained about 20 pounds back since May (granted, much of this was water weight - I lost 13 pounds of it one week). While you might think, 20 pounds isn't much, it is over the course over five months, and really is for someone who is supposed to be losing weight! What hit me the other day, was that if I hadn't been working out (even as mediocre as it was), I would have gained so much more than 20 pounds back!
You might wonder, what did I do that warranted gaining 20 pounds?!? Simply put, I ate what I wanted. I slacked on training. If I preferred to sleep in the morning, rather than heading to the gym, I did. If I felt like taking two or three consecutive days off from the gym without strenuous physical activity, I did.
Last week, I committed to doing the Susan G. Komen 5K race again. You might recall this was the first 5K I ever completed and it was last year. This year, my commitment was to run it. Last year, I had lost just over 100 pounds by the time the race came around. This year, it's nearly 200 (and hopefully will be more by the time the race rolls around). Now, let me clarify - by run, I don't mean that I will run at breakneck speed - by run, I mean jog. A slow run. Nonetheless, a run. So, in order to do this, I started using the C25K app. It didn't work for me. It's a great app, but I find that I focus too much on the clock and "how long I have left" running.
This week, I changed my training technique. Now, I'm doing intervals. I start at 30 seconds and move up to 90 seconds, resting in between each set. I've noticed an increase in stamina and duration.Okay, enough of this - the reason I am telling you this is because I have started listening to a motivational speaker in the morning, by the name of Eric Thomas. If you have not listened to him, do it. His words of wisdom and inspiration could change your life. Anyway, the major point of one of the messages, was that whatever it is that is your priority, has to be your mentality, not just your behavior. He gave a specific example of someone trying to lose weight (man that hit hard at 5:00 a.m.!). He said the behavior is someone saying they want to lose weight - they go hard in January, start to fizzle in February and by March, they've quit. That is a behavior. A mentality is possessed by someone who considers the end result in every decision they make - what they do for training, what they eat, what they drink, if it will ultimately benefit their goal. It hit me. I let my weight loss goals become a behavior and not a mentality. I need the mentality back.
Wrapping it up, many of you know that I had "scheduled" skin surgery for November. I have decided to delay that as I am not prepared for it physically, financially, mentally or emotionally. Just as it took a long time for me to get to the place where I was emotionally able to start this weight loss journey, it is going to take awhile for me to get to the place where I am emotionally able to deal with the changes that will happen after skin surgery.
I wish to thank all of you for your unending and undeserved support in this journey. I am pressing on with a new goal in mind. My large goal is to lose 70 more pounds and enter "one-derland" before surgery. My small goal is another 15 pounds by November 1, 2014. After that, I will press on to set smaller goals and not become intimidated by the bigger picture.
