Sunday, January 19, 2014

Carb-o-holics Anonymous

I am a carb-o-holic. I feel like I should start this post out by introducing myself, much like one would at one of the anonymous sponsor meetings. I am posting right now, mainly because it is keeping my hands busy...from shoveling food in my mouth. I'm not really hungry, but I have a craving for greasy, cheesy, pizza - with pepperoni and stuffed crust - like you wouldn't believe. I want it so bad I can taste it. I am texting with my accountability partner, and the words just aren't working. I know everything she is going to say. I am contemplating texting Danny, but I hate to bother him on the weekends because that's his only down time. He's told me to before and maybe one day I will listen, but for today, I'm hoping the blogging will work.

Two reasons I feel like I want pizza and that that is the only thing that will satisfy my craving - first, I haven't had it in months and I was supposed to have a cheat meal this weekend (which was all planned out) but the plateau broke so I didn't do it...second, the Body Challenge starts in 11 days so that will be 12 weeks of no pizza (yikes), and third, my family went to Italian for lunch today and had the most delicious looking food...while I ate Subway's healthy choice turkey sub with veggies. The smell of that garlic bread and pizza/pasta has left my mouth watering all afternoon. I am the person that used to eat pizza at least three to four times a week. In the past 9 months, I may have had it 4-5 times.

When that plateau broke yesterday, it was the most liberating feeling. I'm trying to recapture that feeling, because it was worth it - knowing that I had done what I needed to do and didn't veer, despite how frustrated I was getting with the scale. I had an outlook back of "I can do anything I set my mind to..." I was so encouraged and did a kick-butt workout yesterday. How quickly that mindset fades when you're struggling with an addiction/craving that is stronger than you.

The bottom line is that I cannot let this struggle win and beat me. I am stronger than this food. I am stronger than this bondage to food. To those who don't have a food addiction or can easily say no to food, I envy you. I know I am on this journey for a reason, and someday that reason will be made known. Until then, I envy you.

I am trying to focus on my goals and reaching the goals I want to this year. I can overcome the craving. I can overcome this struggle. I cannot give in every time I want something unhealthy. The time has come - that I made the decision to change my life. I made the decision to want a healthy lifestyle instead of pizza and cookies and candy and soda. I want more for me. So, I'm throwing on the gym clothes and heading to the gym to workout. I've just resolved this. Thanks for letting me vent.



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