This post is very hard to write. I am human and I make mistakes. The past few months have been very hard for me. I have not made wise decisions. I have had multiple setbacks. I have used any excuse in the book to veer off the clean eating path. I am struggling. I am throwing this out there because you need to know that although I may sound cheery and upbeat and motivational at times, it is not always like that.
Many of you have commented in person that I have stopped posting the motivational quotes. It's true. I feel as though I have lost my motivation. I don't know why, but I want it back. I emotionally eat. I have lost my motivation. My motivation is not ever-present. I try, but I have bad days, and apparently, bad weeks and months, too. Anyway, the numbers on the scale don't lie. I have lost focus of the immediate goals and started focusing on the big picture. I allowed myself to become focused on competing in Body Challenge (and that's not a bad thing) with my gym, and to not focus on the smaller goals that I need to focus on, such as this meal or that meal. Instead, I focused on dreaming about winning Body Challenge. I need to revamp my focus. Completely.
Throughout the course of my "confession" with Danny, it came to light that my diet hasn't been where it needs to be. If I am honest, it hasn't been for a long time. I don't know why I struggle with food so much. I wish I knew. I wish I could curb it. If I am completely honest, I've fallen back into the habit of fast food. In the past week, I've had Wendy's, Red Robin, Taco Bell and McDonald's. None of it was good. I felt miserable after eating it. Yet, I continue to do it. Why? Do any of you readers struggle with this? I am a "social eater" and "emotional eater." In other words, I may not be hungry, but if a group of friends is going somewhere for lunch, you can bet I will be there. I will go with the intention of eating healthy foods, but inevitably, my willpower loses and I order something I am comfortable ordering.
So, what's the purpose of posting this? To let you know I am human. I make mistakes. I have to re-commit to my eating lifestyle. I've done it before. I can do it again. It's a matter of deciding whether I want to do it. I want this.
No matter what, I am done. Done with the facade. Done with giving in. I have to fight to save my life. I am still planning to compete in Body Challenge 7. I need to step up my game and truly work on fixing my priorities. I have let "me" slip through the cracks. I've let my circumstances and emotions dictate my choices. No more. I am worth this change. I have come so far and too far to turn back now.
I am fighting to win...my life.
