Tuesday, September 24, 2013

I Can't Do This...

Yes, you can. You just choose not to.

I hear the words, "I can't do this..." all the time. I used to be one of the people that said them. I thought, "I can't walk on the treadmill." "I can't do the elliptical." "I can't run." "I can't lift weights." Wrong. I can do all of those things. So can you. It may not be pretty. It may not be for long. But, you can do it.

It's amazing to me at this point in my journey that I waited so long to feel so much better. I've had my ups and downs. I still will. That's why it's called a journey. I'll never fully arrive at the destination. Food will always be a struggle, or my "demon" if you will. But, I have learned, that I have the ultimate decision over what I do about the struggle. Do I give in? Do I overcome? There will be days that I overcome. There will be days I give in. It's life. The difference is that now I know I can change.

When I first started this journey just six months ago at 459 pounds, I had no idea of the roads I would travel. I did not know that I would be having surgery on my leg just a few months in and require no cardio or little cardio for three weeks. I had no idea that I would be confined to a hospital room for a week with cellulitis. I had no idea I'd have the beginning stages of bronchitis for over a week and not feel good at all. My point is, life throws you curve balls. You have to go with them. Don't give in because the going gets tough. That's when the rubber meets the road, and you'll know if you've learned anything.

For me, this journey has been an eye-opener. There are still things I think I can't do - running longer than 45 seconds on a treadmill is one of them....as is running for any length of time outside on pavement. Little by little, I will conquer those obstacles. Then, new ones will pop up in their place. The point is, be flexible. Overcome your fears, one day at a time. Don't look at the big picture. Look at the small picture. Look at today's goal. Crush it, then make a small goal for tomorrow. I need to take my own advice on this one.

On October 12, 2013, I will conquer an obstacle. I've signed up with my gym and friends to complete the Susan G. Komen 5K. This is my first "race" if you will. It is not a race for me. It's an obstacle. I just want to finish. I have no desire to beat anyone's time. I have no desire to come in first (ha, that wouldn't happen anyway). I just want to finish. If that means walking the whole thing, then so be it. There will be time to "race" myself later.

Just a little bit of celebratory news, and I'll close out this post. Yesterday, I weighed in (as I do daily - I know, I know - that's bad...) and the scale read 334. That is 125 pounds lost in 6 months. It did not click at first, and my friend had to point it out to me - that is half my goal. Half my goal in half a year. Seems insane. My goal for September was to hit 125 and I hit it a week early! I think my goal for October is 145. After weighing in today (332), I have literally 33 pounds to go to hit my Christmas goal of being in the 200's by Christmas. I don't even know what that would be like. I honestly don't remember the last time I was in the 200's.

Believe in yourself. No one else can do the hard work for you. This is something I've learned along the way. You either want it for yourself, or you don't. There is absolutely nothing stopping you, except yourself.

It's been awhile....a good long while

It has been a good long while since I have felt anything but self-hate and negativity toward myself. I tried not to show it on the outside, ...